Investments and Assets of Parenting

 In the realm of finances there are two terms that are clearly defined that can help us understand the value of something: Investments and Assets. Before I go any further, you need to understand that this is not another financial post, but defining these two things can make a difference in how we approach the actual subject of this message, so bear with me a moment. 

An asset is an object that has value. So an example of that would be your car or the money in your bank account. These things have a value to them, but we know that once a value is placed on them, it is only as valuable as the societal need for them. A big example right now could be CoCoMelon Dolls. These things are flying off the shelves and then sold on eBay for three times their original value because the demand is so high for them. Some of you have no idea what a CoCoMelon doll is, but a quick Google search will show you folks around my age that it is just another hot Christmas item that can be likened to the great Tickle Me Elmo doll of the mid 90's. If the internet was booming like it is today, we would have likely seen our parents saying the same thing a lot of parents are saying today about the CoCoMelon dolls. I digress. Assets are merely an object that has a fixed value based on their need. 

We often say, “Owning a house is an investment," but that statement is only true sometimes. If you bought a house and didn't really make a ton of money off of it when you sold, its not really an investment because of all the maintenance you've had to pour into it over the years to make it a sellable house. It IS an investment however if you buy a foreclosed property and dramatically change the way it looks and feels to turn a huge profit. An Investment is something you own that you hope will generate a some kind of a profit with a high ceiling for earning more money. So buying shares of Apple would not be a bad idea because they are a mega tech company that will only improve in the next several years. Coca-Cola has historically been a great stock to buy because who isn't drinking Coca-Cola? We recently experienced a market plummet in the beginning of the year because of the pandemic and stocks hit a low point but bounced right back. People that bought stock during that lull in the market invested in stocks they knew historically cover well and doubled their money.

Why am I explaining this? Why do you need to know the difference between an asset and an investment? You might be saying to yourself "this is a SnoozeFest of a post, just get on with it." Well, here we go. 

There is one thing in my life that I often refer to as the single most difficult area of my life. I underestimate its value and I often trade it for selfish reasons, but I also trade it for meaningless reasons that are not exactly frowned upon. Maybe you can relate, but the one thing I often misunderstand the most and find myself in qualms with happens to land in the arena of parenting. 

I have five kids, one of those five we eagerly await her arrival this month, and as you can imagine it can feel like Barnum and Bailey set up shop in our little 1200 square foot ranch style home. Dinosaurs laying on every horizontal surface. Six baby dolls tucked every so sweetly under their dishrag blankets on the kitchen table. K'Nex ceiling fans hanging from the ceiling vents. Crumbs magically showing up across the house. A cacophony of Blues Clues, Pinkalicious and Little Baby Bum as every TV seems to be cranked to 100 and on at the same time while everyone seems to be piled into our small kitchen. That's just what happens in leisure time. Never mind the "business hours" of the home like homeschooling the kids while trying to distract the youngest. Bedtime routines that seem to be a common dread amongst parents I know. Cooking meals A la carte for each individual patron of the only restriction and guilt free dine in experience around. You get the idea.

Parenting is no joke and it can lead to a ton of frustration and fatigue. If you are anything like me, thoughts like this pop up daily, usually while you're day winds down and you're laying in bed or right as you wake up as your mind fires up for another day: "You are the worst parent. You say your love your kids, but you sure don't act like it. I can't believe you got so ticked off because they dumped their whole plate on the floor. It took one sweep of the broom, why did you lose it? You could have done so much better. You're pathetic." That's just a glimpse in my mind of some of the thoughts I've had. Anxiety and depression are always by my side and they seem to just wait around like vultures waiting for me to just collapse so they can peck at my integrity and motivation to do better until nothing left except the hollow bones of what used to be my good intentions. 

Parenting is incredibly taxing and it can drive you to the end of your rope. Especially when you have as many kids as I have, you have to morph your parenting a little to fit the needs of the individual child that best fit their personality in order to make any headway. I have one who is a thinker and incredibly mechanical in his habits. Hands down the most predictable kid I have, but that doesn't mean he is easy to parent. One of my kids is the sweetest most affectionate children I have ever met, but she is very sneaky in her antics and can be very manipulative with regard to making sure her brothers get in trouble instead of her. One of my kids is an absolute brute. He is constantly hurting himself by doing what he wants and he is constantly getting into things he is not supposed to, but he is so quick to want to sit in your lap and say, "Daddy, you're my best friend." The fourth one is still a little young to figure out, but he seems to be the clinger and when things aren't going his way he gets major attitude, but he is so silly and his belly giggles are contagious. 

So why is parenting so difficult? It's the same things every day and it can become a dread when you go to sleep and sarcastically think or say to your spouse, "Let's do this again tomorrow!" After thinking about it, I think I have figured out why parenting can be so difficult. It may not be the reason all of the time, but it is likely the reason most of the time and it is this: We, as parents, are still so wrapped up in what we would prefer to do rather than what we ought to do. Using my introductory thoughts: we would rather focus on the assets of parenting than the investments of parenting. "What do you mean the assets and investments of parenting?" As this detail goes forward, money is not the resource, time is. Let's flesh this thing out a little bit in light of what has been said so far.

The laundry is never done. Hampers are always full or the washer and dryer and full steam ahead. The sink is full of dishes that need to be put in the dishwasher or the dishwasher needs to be emptied. The floor gets swept 3 times a day and that still isn't enough. Little finger prints are on every appliance, glass surface, TV and mirror and will be back as soon as you wipe them off. Meals have been prepared and as soon as the last bite is taken by the slowest eater in the house, the one who seemed to devour theirs is coming back to the kitchen to look for snacks. The demands never stop and sometimes they are all coming simultaneously at most times. This list of chores could go on, but if you notice one theme they all have in common, it is their lack of return. These tasks have no hope of being profitable to the person performing the work. Are the necessary tasks that need to be accomplished? Absolutely. There's something to be said about an orderly house and the ability to keep it that way, but these are considered assets of parenting. They have value, but there really is no return for using your resources on. These tasks are the "buying a car that depreciates as soon as it leaves the lot" of being a parent. They are satisfying upon completing, but once you've made a few payments of your time, you're not as excited about it anymore. Let's look at the inverse.

Laying on the floor and playing "railroad crossing" even if you are just laying there pushing a train around in a circle because you don't know how to play this made up game. Sitting at the table and using a baby spoon as a hybrid Clinique blush and eyeshadow brush as you "put make up on" this beautiful princess going to the ball. Getting your 2 ton floor jack and putting it up under a cozy coupe so we can fix its engine and wheels. Performing a Gorilla Press to a helpless 2 year old jobber (it's a wrestling term for someone who is sent into the ring to get destroyed by a major star) and doing a couple of extra press ups like Goldberg before tossing them down onto the couch. Piggy back rides, Peter Pan flying and Helicopter landings from the kitchen to the beds. What are the common threads in these? These are the investments of parenting. These are the tasks that seem less important than the assets of parenting. Let's use the introductory comparison once more: It's easier to spend money on assets like a new car because it has automatic results, but spending money on the investments of good stocks or rental property has a life changing profit over time that make us a step closer to financial freedom. Spending money on assets has been built in our "flex culture" to be sexier than spending money on investments that can free us. In light of parenting, it is so much easier for us to fall into the same traps as we slave away at begrudgingly doing chores that have no return, except for completion gratification, for our time and neglect the attention of our kids that have massive long term returns for our time. 

This is why verses like Provers 22:6 are so crucial to parenting. If we only focus on the assets of parenting, we may train them by example to complete chores, but will they grow old and remember you as a homemaker or a fully invested parent? We may train them the value of hardworking and maintaining a job, but will they grow old and remember you as a good employee or a fully invested parent or worked hard at their job and continued their hard work as a parent by taking the time to be with them in play? 

In closing, let me wrap up with an example from last night as well as a small observation from my life that ive noticed. My wife went to take a shower after a long day of being tired. Not just regular tired, but pregnant tired, so it was a necessary break to just chill in some hot water as the aches and pains of late term pregnancy has fully set it. Before she went, she insisted on me doing an advent reading with them. I was sitting on the couch watching Forged in Fire, two kids were sitting with me, the other two were playing in their room. I thought the advent reading was a great idea so that's what we did while she took a shower. I turned off the TV, rounded up the kids, and did this advent reading. We read Isaiah 7:14 and discussed what Immanuel meant. We read, I quizzed the kids over what was read and then reviewed again. We sat in a circle and prayed and it was done. This did not happen without having to get their attention a couple of times, this did not happen without little bumps, but it happened. They enjoyed answering my questions. They enjoyed my interaction with them. They enjoyed being read to. I could have just pushed it off and continued the show I was watching. I could have let them play aimlessly in their room or lay aimlessly on the couch. I am so glad I did what I did and I am thankful for a wife that urges me forward instead of keeping me sedentary in my parenting. Something else I noticed it this: the time that I was more intentional in my parenting with them as I read and asked them questions, the more they seemed to behave and it felt like the madness had paused for a moment. I’m convinced the more intentional we are in parenting and directly interacting with them, the less stressed we are and the more focused they are. We are less stressed because our heart and mind are set on the task of being parents instead of doing meaningless chores and activities. If there are no distractions, there are no frustrations. 

We get most frustrated with our kids when we are doing something we want to do. Whether its scrolling through facebook, watching a tv show/sporting event, working on the laundry, mowing the yard, or even reading a blog like this, when we get interupted from the things we want to do is when we likely are quicker to get frustrated or feel inconvenienced. This basically tells us we are doing far more important things than contributing to our child's growth, development and discipleship. Yet we often forget that we are called to die to self daily as we navigate the waters of parenting. As you read this, please understand that I don't have it figured out or that I excel at this. I struggle with anxiety and depression on a regular basis and use writing, exercising, working and podcasting (that usually involves discipleship from my co-host who is also an elder of my church) to cope with these situations. I view myself as a subpar parent who gets it wrong 98% of the time. By God's grace my kids will forgive me for my shortcomings, but until then, let us all strive to lay ourselves aside and focus on our kids. Let us truly take an examination of our hearts and ask ourselves with regard to parenting, "Is this an asset or an investment?" Also don't forget to show yourself a little grace along the way. You aren't perfect and on this side of heaven you won't be. Christ didn't die for you to feel guilty about your parenting, he died so that you may feel free from the guilt of your shortcomings and lean on him to provide the way as we strive to be better by the blood of The Lamb. Doing this thing without a proper view of Christ and his forgiveness will always lead us to the guilt of falling short because it is inevitable that we will mess up. 

May we choose the path of investing in our kids so that we cannot only see the profitable gains we hope to experience in their adulthood instead of finding value in the assets that in the end will never bring us any pleasure or peace when our time is completely gone.